You’ve Got Your Hands Full

The other day I went to the grocery store with all 5 of my kids. I don’t do this often because the moment we enter those automatic doors my children think that’s their cue to start acting like little crazy assholes kids. It is impossible for me to take all 5 kids there and not have them act up. I don’t know why they think it’s a green light to go ahead and do cartwheels down aisle 4 but for some reason they do. All I can think to myself is bring on the “You’ve got your hands full” comments.

You've got your hands full
You’ve got your hands full- Mommin’ With Humor

 

People pass us and it’s always funny to see their reactions. I get a lot of dirty looks, some glazed over looks and once in a while, I will get a sweet smile or chuckle. When I make eye contact with the judgey prospector I will get the always dreaded comment, “You’ve got your hands full”. This saying didn’t always bother me but after years of hearing this, I am finally at my end of friendly behavior. I used to apologize or correct my child’s behavior but now it’s a whole different story. When you tell me I have my hands full I will absolutely NOT correct my children and I will probably say a sly comment that puts you back in your place. Some of my favorite sayings are “yes, I do thank you for reminding me” or “Do I? I didn’t notice”(with an “eff off look” all over my face). My favorite is “can you believe I’m having number 6 in a few short months” (I do a fake loud laugh as I touch my non-pregnant fluffy belly). I have recently started saying “Ya I know I have a lot of kids, you should see my laundry room!”

It’s mostly dear sweet elderly people saying  “You’ve got your hands full” Most times they will turn to their spouse or whoever they’re with and whisper something quietly about my obnoxious children. I normally can’t hear because I’m being pulled and gnawed on like a piece of meat in a lions den. It’s pretty much a huge bat shit crazy show to watch. Once, my son decided to pee in the cereal aisle. I have no idea why he decided to do that but I’m guessing the 3 years old just had to go, but I certainly could have used the help instead of the comments. I won’t lie, I did laugh a little when I heard “clean up on aisle 6” over the intercom. My most embarrassing moments are when my kids decide to pick up mommies special ‘bathroom tools’ (tampons) and laugh hysterically at them, I will never understand why or how a tampon can be so funny. Trust me when I tell you, we are a freaking train wreck that you can’t look away from.

17 awesome responses to "You've got your hands full" -momminwithhumor.com

 

I asked some awesome parents on my Instagram and facebook for some  advice on what to say. If you are ever in this situation here is some hilarious, yet, good comebacks you can use…

Kathie O’Leary : You’re so observant, are you offering sitting services or just being a Captain Obvious?

Bethany Bauer : Yep, and a full heart Or if I’m in a bad mood….Only if you can’t handle it

Lorraine Cyr : I sure don’t need a gym membership!

tchelsie : My Hands and my heart

dellered : I just say, “Nah, I mostly ignore them” sadly it’s barely sarcasm.

ginaw1127 : I wouldn’t have it any other way

lindseypalmer11 : I have more at home

lizoncall : I simply say, yep!

nicki8902 : Said Every Mom Ever…

amberlawlor : I’m about to get my hands full!

kaileeandersen : I know.. Help me out

tkjar33 : Ya. I love it though! They’re great kids.

tarabfisch11 : And I’m having another

atippets : I get this every single time I leave the house. With 4 boys and twins, we are quite the circus. I sure do like the comments of encouragement and praise over the typical “you’ve got your hands full” or “better you than me” comments.

correamommy : Wouldn’t have it any other way! You may say I have my hands full, but I say I am blessed!!

bbymks5 : Yep!! You take this one!

sheyde : Thanks for noticing???

tamseyb : “Yup, great entertainment for the bored staring type.” Said this one today at a real peach of a lady.

sometimesstefanie : I just realized I say this EVERY time – “yep, it’s quite the party over here!” But really I wish I would say something like “yep, lots of penises to deal with.” Usually, when you talk about the genital area to a stranger, it shuts them up real quick cause they don’t know how to respond

Here are a few tips I can give you: 

  1. Don’t bring your kids to the grocery store! If you can leave those crazies behind, DO IT!! Take a little hour vacation to the store alone. Hit up that favorite drink stop first and then go shopping. I know I will never take a trip to the store alone for granted. Or even a trip to the bathroom alone would be the best gift ever!
  2. Don’t mind the people staring! Let them stare. Kids will be kids and the people who are judging are the ones who  A. Don’t have kids or B. Forgot what it’s like. This is the season of life you’re in. Live it up. Let your kids go crazy in the grocery store. They are only kids once in a lifetime. As a kid, I loved to ride around on the carts like crazy while my mom would grocery shop. She let me do it and claimed me with pride.
  3. Keep your Head up and walk away with pride! I remember one time my niece was screaming at the top of her lungs in a store. I can’t remember why but she was screaming as loud as she can. My sister picked her up and walked out of the store. It wasn’t until after she got home the cops showed up and questioned her about a possible child abduction. As my sister was carrying her screaming daughter out of the store someone called the cops and reported her stealing a child and the child was screaming .. (Hahaha) I laughed out loud for a good 20 minutes and still laugh to this day. Clearly, the cops realized what happened and quickly dismissed that report. Kids are unpredictable at times so when they get crazy. Keep your head up and walk with pride. Every mom in that store knows exactly what you’re going through. We got your back!

Anytime I am at the store and see a mom with wild children, I will NEVER judge because I know how that mom feels. We should all start offering a helping hand rather than a rude, sly  comment. By telling me I have my hands full,  makes me feel as if I can’t contain my children. That is farthest from the truth. I can contain those monsters, I am just picking my battles AND the grocery store ISN’T one of them!

xoxo,

Chels

 

Summer Activities for kids

Summer is always hard . All kids are home from school and here in Arizona, it’s HOT as HELL so going outside to play isn’t an option. Thankfully, I have thrown together a list of fun summer activities for kids that they will love.

Fun Summertime activities for kids
Fun Summer activities for kids

 

I know that my house is alway chaotic especially during the summer. My grocery bill goes up along with my inpatient craziness. Since school has been out, I have literally ref’d countles fights and arguments between my children, cleaned up 10 million messes, mopped WAY too many times from spilled cereal and pop. I can honestly say I am exhausted and its only been 2 weeks.

A lot of moms ask me “How do you do it with 5 kids and still stay sane?” Well number 1: I am so not sane, more like insane. Number 2: when we are stuck in the house all day that’s when we (kids and myself) get stressed out and grouchy. I have made myself a goal to do something fun and productive each day with my kids. So far, so good. They seem to be loving summer so that means I am doing something right. Maybe, I should teach them how to fold laundry. Check out Confessions of a Dirty Ass Laundry Room for some hilarious real life mom moments.

Here is a list of  Summer Activities for Kids: 

  • SWIMMING: This has been my saving grace so far! I can’t tell you how many hours we have spent at our neighborhood jr high pool. I swear every day at 1pm we are down there getting our swim in. It tires out my kids. After swimming they are chill and happy. It’s like they jump into holy water and come out as brand new children. Plus, I can’t complain much about the quick and easy bedtime process afterward. They fall asleep quick and they sleep like rocks. No one can wake them. It truly has my saving grace. I also purchased my local summer pool pass so I save money in the end, plus I get a rockin’ tan!
fun summer activities for kids
Summertime with kids
  • LAKE:  Here in Arizona (where I live) we have an awesome beach like lake called Butcher Jones Beach. It is a quick fun retreat we can go to that makes it feel we are in a different state. My kids love it. We have rented paddle boards to play on in the water. It is something you MUST do with your kids. So fun and great exercise for me!  My kids loved being able to stand up and paddle on the “surfboard” Also take some hotdogs and soda. All lakes will have some sort of grill you can cook some easy things on. It’s a fun day for barely any cost!
fun summer activities for kids
summertime with kids

 

  •   CAMPING: This is a summertime tradition with my family. When my sons birthday comes around he doesn’t want a party, He wants to go camping!  There is something about sleeping under the stars with the crisp mountain air that really gets my kids excited. We try and camp a lot during the summers. It’s the perfect weekend getaway that isn’t too expensive. I want my kids to be able and enjoy what nature has to offer. The world is such a beautiful place and way better than any hotel you can stay at!fun summer activities for kids
  • HIKING: Only the last year have I really tried and hiked with my kids. I thought that they would be too small and would complain the whole time. The first hike we did was awesome with a great view at the end. It was hard work hiking up to the top and my kids were tired but they will agree with me, well worth it. In Arizona hiking in the summer is not recommended because you will sweat your ass off but if you had to, wake up early and beat the heat!
  • ZOO: We are obsessed with the zoo. We go and love to see all the different animals and how they interact with each other. One time while traveling in Colorado, we visited the zoo in Denver. A group of animals started “fighting” and making funny noises. My kids asked what was going on and why that animal was getting on top of the other animal. I said “They are fighting over what they wanted to eat for dinner” It was hilarious. My kids always seem to bring up that story. I wonder when they will figure out that they weren’t really fighting…?

fun summer activities for kids

  • DRIVE-IN MOVIES: This is hands down one of our favorite things to do. We go see new releases for less than $20.00 for my entire family. I bring the couch cushions, blankets, pillows, pop my own popcorn, fill water bottles with Kool-Aid (yes, I am a cheap A) and we have a grand time. When we pull up I always lay all my seats down in my van and make a big bed. My kids crawl in there,  get cozy and let the big screen take them to a whole new level of imagination. The last time I went my son did have a meltdown of the century. He got his kindle fire taken away for a good 6 months. Apparently, I wasn’t following my own advice from my latest post of Stop the Meltdowns 101 because that kid was bat shit crazy running around screaming at the top of his lungs. Haha, I laugh now only because I’m glad that humiliating day is OVER and DONE!

 

  • GROUPONAnother favorite and saving grace for me this summer has been Groupon. I check that every day to see what kind of deals they have. Normally they have cool things I can take my kids to and not worry about breaking the bank. There is this cool indoor jungle gym that I have been dying to take my family too. The problem is it is SO EXPENSIVE it would have been about $65.00 total just to go there. I’m not going to spend that kind of money on something unless it was Disneyland.  I checked out Groupon, low and behold it was on there for a fraction of the price. We had such a blast and thank you Groupon for being amazing and coming through when I need you!

 

 

 

Stop the Meltdowns 101

Whenever I hear children talk to their parents in rude disrespectful tones out in public, I cringe inside. I call those behaviors in my home, Meltdowns. I cannot handle rude behavior or “meltdowns”. I am a  little  “Old school” where children SHOULD and WILL give adults respect.

stop the meltdowns 101

I teach my kids to be respectful towards myself and especially towards other adults. Of course, when they are at home, they can’t be “on” all the time. We have our classic meltdowns, fights, and batshit crazy moments. We aren’t perfect but you better believe that I have the authority and (most times) control over the situations. Some people may think I am a little hard on my kids regarding their behavior but I don’t care. I am not raising assholes here! Do I beat my children senseless? absolutely not. I am not a believer in causing pain to teach lessons. I simply get really close, talk stern and widen my eyes until they pop out. Oh man, I wish I had a picture. My husband thinks I look ridiculous when my “stern mommy” face comes out to play.

 A few tips on how to handle meltdowns:

  • Understand the situation and what’s going on

a lot of the time  meltdowns are a result of kids not feeling in control of their lives or the situation. I know when one of my kids gives me an eye roll, or a rude backtalk, its because I am not fully understanding what is going on and I should probably put my damn phone down and listen to what they are truly saying.

I also like to give my kids choices. I like them to be able to choose what they want to do. When kids feel like they are in control and have a little say in their lives, they will respond better. My daughter is extremely particular about what jams she wear at night. (effin’ jams, I’m dealing with freaking PJ’S) instead of me yelling like crazy at her to hurry and pick some damn pajamas, I simply pick out two different “pretty” styles that she can choose from. That helps me with not losing my shit and helps her feel like she had a choice.

  • Talk

after a big meltdown goes down I always try my hardest to talk to my kids. Sometimes I have even gone as far as recording the meltdown scream fest, to later view it with that child. I never do it when there are other people around. I always do it one on one and especially when calm. It gives me a chance to talk to that child, let him or her know I love them but expect better behavior. I always ask how they felt after watching the video of their behavior. I try to also ask what they and myself could have done differently.

  • Consequence not  “punishment”

I always come up with a consequence with my child. I will let them choose what consequence would be a better option. I know most parents would think that’s crazy. “Let your kid choose the consequence” but honestly, I think it helps them really understand what type of behavior is acceptable and take the consequence serious. One time my son (bless his heart) decided to throw a huge tantrum and run away from me at a Walgreens. (the story is hilarious) when things calmed down I sat and had a discussion with him on what things we could have done differently. I gave him two options for consequences. It was No kindle fire for a week or no playing with friends for a weekend. He picked no playing with friends for a weekend. Since he picked what type of consequence suited him best, When one of my  in-laws came over to ask if he could play, he instantly said “No” and that he was grounded for the weekend.

Now my thought is, if I didn’t sit down a talk to him about what had happened, he wouldn’t have truly understood what he did and why he couldn’t play. I feel like that was a great teaching moment on what type of behavior is accepted and what type of behavior wasn’t.

  • Don’t feed the behavior

Now I have to admit, I am bad at this. Sometimes my kids get upset over some ridiculous things and I can’t help but make fun of them. It’s terrible but like I said before…. I’m only human and some days I can’t resist the temptation. When my kids go into that mode of crazy, I try my hardest to stay calm and remain in control because if I don’t stay calm and in control, I am contributing to the behavior and that can potentially make matters or meltdowns worse.

  • Loves

After all is said and done be sure to show love towards your children. Give them hugs, kisses, butterfly kisses or whatever to get them to giggle and feel the love from their parents.

There, you have a few tips I try to stop the meltdowns in your home. There is no job more important than parenting our crazy ass children. It’s our job to teach them and help them grow into wonderful beautiful people… Not Assholes!

 

 

xoxo,

Chels

 

Confessions of a Dirty Ass Laundry Room

Alright, I know what you’re thinking… “A load a day to keep a headache away” Ok, first off, I would like to publicly say, Nobody even said that shit until Pinterest came around. A load a day? Why would I do a load a day when I can do 20 loads the same day and fold for 6 hours twice a month? The truth is half the time my wonderful loving children throw their clean clothes in the dirty laundry. Yes, true story. I wish I would have saved my Mothers Day Snapchats ( by the way want real live entertainment? follow my Chels_bing snapchat. It’s ridiculous but entertaining. My language is like that of a sailor, you have been warned!)

It was the Saturday the day before mothers day. It started out as a bright and sunny day. I made the kids a nice breakfast, that, of course, they didn’t eat. We were laughing and having a wonderful time together. Until suddenly I do a bedroom check. To my dismay, I found trash, food, clothes and crap along the baseboards in their room. Instantly my blood starts boiling in my veins and I scream….. AHHHHHHHHHH WWWTTTTFFFFF…..  because I had just cleaned every room in my house SPOTLESS to avoid any Mothers Day hiccups. I try and plan out Mothers Day so there won’t be any issues. I clean, set my kids’ clothes out to make sure they will be ready. I even go as far as buying my own Mothers Day cinnamon rolls for breakfast just in case my husband can’t cover the breakfast in bed scenario. (creepy right? I’m effin’ creepy.) So, as I look through their bedrooms, cussing every cuss word out loud. I look over to their mount Rushmore stack of clothes in their closet. As I walk up to get a better look, I notice all the 20 EFFIN’ loads of laundry I folded the day before and placed neatly next to their dressers for them to put away,  were now wrinkled up and stuffed into the closets. I am not sure if this was a “Hey lets see how we can piss mommy off” ordeal, or if it was actually an honest mistake? Which if you think about it, isn’t actually a mistake at all. Those assholes are out to get me! I feel my forehead vein throbbing and my eyes pop out like Jalisa Thompson’s. I can’t even deal right now. I calmly walk away, and by calmly I mean like a beast throwing clothes left and right,  screaming like I belong in a psych ward. I hate to admit this but my husband was trying to talk some sense into me and I’m pretty sure I kicked a hole into my wall. Don’t worry, it wasn’t my intention to kick my beautiful wall, I was aiming at him. What makes it worse is he laughs it off. LAUGHS with the words of “You’re crazy” I don’t know about you but when I hear those two words together I get even crazier. Hence, why there is a nice perfectly round hole in my wall from my ragged foot.

I decided after I made the hole on the wall, I better put up some coloring artwork the kids give me just in case company comes over. They would see the artwork and say “what a great mother displaying those sweet pictures in her house”. Little do they know it was clearly just to cover up my crazy!

Decided to make an art wall to cover up mommies crazy!

momminwithhumor.com-3

After that intense combo, I quickly ran to my medicine cabinet and sniffed a little lavender oil to calm the hell down. I sniffed that crap until I was hallucinating lavender flowers growing out of the kitchen sink. Once back into my right state of mind, I quickly rushed into my kid’s rooms and apologized. They weren’t even phased at all. In fact, I actually got an apology from them. They realized how hard I worked to make the house clean and the clothes I had spent all day folding. We all joined in together to quickly get things refolded and put away. After we celebrated with a trip to target and their glorious never ending dollar section.

I sure love these kids of mine. I am not the best mom in this world, but to them, I am their world. I make mistakes because I am human and I try to learn from them. The good thing is I plan on winning the lottery so I can afford their therapy bill when they’re older. Now off to re-wash the clothes in my washer for the 7th time. I hope they’ll actually make the dryer this time around.

 

Current state of my laundry room right now
The current state of my laundry room

 

 

Do you suck at laundry? I hope this story makes you feel better about yourself. Every mom is a little bat shit crazy, some just hide it better than others!

xoxo,

Chels