Kids are Disgusting

You guys I finally set up my youtube channel. Be sure to check it out and subscribe.

This video is about how Kids Are Disgusting. Do you ever feel like you clean but it’s pointless because your kids are SO GROSS!! Well, watch this video. You are not alone fellow parent. My kids are also, disgusting!

Be sure to watch the whole video and tell me what you think.

Also, check out my other video called “7 things NOT to say to a MOM” There are always those people who have to social filter and say the damnedest things. Here is a video on 7 Things not to say to a Mom!

Gear used for these videos are: Canon 5D Mark iii & 24-105 Lens

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All About Me: Mommin’ With Humor

Hello to all my wonderful followers. I’ve neglected my blog this last month. It has been a crazy month. Only one of me and a million things to do.

All about me

A little about me.

I have 5 kids who call me mom and a hunk of a husband who is technically my 6th child. He can’t seem to ever find the peanut butter. I am lucky enough to be a stay at home mom / photographer on the side. I basically love anything that is thrilling and I love uncontrollable laughter.

I posted a photo on Instagram last month that said “Ask Me Anything”. I am going to answer those questions now. I know I know, I am a little late to the game. I should have posted this a while ago but like I said I have been busy. You will know what I am talking about soon. (emoji wink/kiss).

momminwithhumor

Ask Me Anything:

Alohamoraopenabook -Love this idea. So seriously, do you ever get riled up or lose your patience? How do you stay so chillax?  First off I would love to say Thank You but I lose my cool all the time. My husband tells me to chill out a lot. So if it seems like I am calm, truth is I’m not. I am bat shit crazy just like every other mom out there. We all have to be crazy. If we weren’t we wouldn’t have had children.

Motherhoodtype – What is your bedtime routine like with the kids? I’m usually done by that time and my patience’s is pretty thin. Also, do you cook every night?  My bedtime routine is insane. (read more about my Bed Time battles here!) My 3 older kids go to bed just fine. They take showers, get a drink, go to the bathroom and get in bed. My 4-year-old, on the other hand, is wild. She doesn’t listen at all and by the time she finally goes to bed (way past every else) I am a whole different kind of exhausted from her alone. She is a devil child. Also, no I do not cook every night. I try my hardest to do 3 to 4 good meals a week and the other nights are ramen and mac & cheese with hot dogs! We keep it classy over here. haha! 

Dowtymbre – Love both those questions patience and cooking? And how do you deal with attitudes? Mine is starting to talk back and is just disrespectful. Timeout? Take toys away? This is a hard thing. How I deal with back talk is I don’t deal with it. I will ignore my children if they start to argue with me I stop them and say “I don’t want to hear it”. that is for my older kids. My younger daughter I have a time out chair. She hates getting seated in that. I will remove her from the situation and explain why she has to sit in the time out chair. It will usually stop back talk quickly. She hates that damn chair.

MotherhoodandMerlot –  What is your best advice for moms of more than two children? My best advice is… Don’t take life too seriously. Laugh lots. Just know that shit happens! Parenting is the greatest and most challenging thing you’ll ever do. Laugh and be happy instead of mad and miserable. 

Simplesarongs – How do you stay so positive? You’re are sweet. I try to stay positive otherwise, I would be a mess. When I wake up in the morning I think to myself, “Today I choose Joy” and I really try my hardest to do it! Feel free to download my free 8×10 printable of that saying. It is worth it and a great daily reminder. 

PicturealmostPerfectAre you kids in activities? If so, tips for keeping it all managed!? Yes all my kids are in something. On Mondays, we have a crazy day with all of them but my husband is home from school that night to help me cart everyone around. I highly recommend putting reminders on your phone. If I didn’t do that, my life would be a crazy ass mess!

Barefootmmy – How old are all of your kids? This is a great question. I have a 10 year old, 7year old, 6-year-old. The 7 and 6-year-old are 11 months apart. I won’t do that ever again haha. A 4 year and a 10.5-month-old. Plus a 10-month-old dog who is the best dog ever! 4 girls and 1 boy (2 boys if you count the dog) 

Taushawierlo How do you handle juggling all you do? How I handle everything is Excedrine and Pepsi! I don’t think I could get through the day without my caffeine boost.

Azfamilies How much time a week do you spend blogging? Well, honestly this last month I haven’t spent any time on it. Terrible right! I am going to get better. I have been M.I.A for a while. 

Chanteezy88Any advice for in-laws who just don’t like you because they’re obsessed with their son and resent you for “taking him away”? Haha funny you should ask this question. Though I do not blog on family relationships other than my kids, my mom Karen or my husband I will say… JUST DO YOU! You can’t please everyone so stop trying. Do what makes you happy. Focus on you, your husband, kids, and animals. Just be you,  be happy and be proud! 

Sparklersmagazine – Favorite date night? My favorite date night would have to be the dog park with my the husband.  It is free and people watching is legit. There are some funny dog parents out there and I am obsessed with people watching them.

Theurbandoor what’s your favorite thing to do outside of being a wife, mom, and blogger? You crack me up, girl. You are one of those friends I want to know better. I instantly clicked with you when we met. Plus you make me smile and help me not take things too seriously. Which is something I try to do with my friends. So it’s just crazy that you do that for me. I just adore you! I so adore you!! You make me feel so good about myself. You are one of my favorite people by far! My favorite thing to do outside of being a wife, mom and blogger would be being a photographer. I get so much thrill out of an awesome photo shoot or if I nail the editing of a photo. It is truly a passion I have.

Claudia_sparklersmagazineI know you wanted to know my bedtime routine (wink wink) This comment cracked me up. Well, my bedtime routine is an absolute blast. After I fight with my hoard of children about bedtime and finally get them into bed. I run to my most sexiest pj’s (aka a grandma muumuu) and fall fast asleep. My husband hates it but deal with it dude! We already have too many children. haha

NoguiltlifeWhat a fun idea! What’s your best tip for big families? I’m looking for anything that can help me here! lol. My best tip for big families would be Live life to the fullest. Get out and do things. Make the most of your family and love the dirty looks you get from the old people. (yes, I get dirty looks because of all of my children. Read about it here!! Another tip would be Walmart Curbside pick up. Order your groceries online and have them brought to your car. It has been a game changer for me! 

 

Thank you all who participated in the Ask me Anything post. I will post another one in a few months. This was a blast and I hope every can relate or use the advice given.

If anyone has a question about Parenting, Life, Business and etc.. put it in the comments and I would love to answer it in my next “Ask Me Anything” post!

 

xoxo,

Chels

 

 

Santa Reminders: A Letter from Santa

Oh my gosh, did you know Christmas is around the corner? Have you heard of Santa Reminders? It is the BEST thing ever invented for kids!

Letter from Santa
Santa Reminders

When I first heard about Santa Reminders I was excited. The experience of Santa Reminders made me realize just how magical Christmas truly is! My children beamed with Christmas like enthusiasm as they received their packages in the mail and ripped them open with delight. When all was said and done I watched as they hung their photos and letters from Santa on their bedroom walls anxiously awaiting the day Santa will visit our home.

Get your kids excited for Christmas! Want to know what’s even better? You can order these packages all year long! It is a simple reminder to your children that Santa is always watching and a great way to get them excited for that special day.

Letter from Santa
Santa Reminders

When you go to the website you can pick from 2 different packages. Of course, you have to answer some basic questions about your child and upload a photo to be used in the picture. It took me probably about 5 minutes altogether. Super easy to use and the best part is $1.00 of your order will go and help those in need. Once I read that I knew I was on board!

Deluxe Package:

  • An exciting Christmas package in the mail
  • Santa Approved Letter
  • Nice list photo with your child’s beautiful face in it
  • fun Christmas tattoo, stamp, gaming notepad, Coloring page and a poem from Rudolph

Basic Package:

  • An exciting Christmas package in the mail
  • Santa Approved Letter
  • Nice list photo with your child’s beautiful face in it
Letter From Santa
Santa Reminders

Honestly, What are you waiting for? Go to SantaReminders.com right now and order your kids one. The happy smiles on your child’s face will melt your heart. I know mine did!

 

xoxo,

Chels

5 Amazing Items to Keep In your Car

As a mother, I always need to be prepared especially in the car. You never know what is going to happen while dealing with children. You can have a bloody elbow one minute and a huge snot rocket the next. For me, it seems as if ANY and ALL bodily functions come out while I am driving. I don’t know how many times I can swerve on the freeway trying to give my kid a damn kleenex. Who cares about your safety, right? Just don’t get your snot on my seats!

5 Amazing Items to Keep In your CarIf your child throws up in your car, you’re screwed. You better go trade that car in for a new one because throw up leaves a disgusting odor in your car for weeks, even months if not properly cleaned. Nothing is worse than getting into a hot car and being slapped in the face with the delicious smell of vomit.

5 Amazing Items To Keep In Your Car:

  1. Hand Sanitizer: I always have this in my car. It is perfect if you have children like mine who like to touch anything and everything. They get germs all over their hands and I am a total germaphobe. Shopping carts at Walmart are the WORST for little hands. Another thing is when I pump my gas. That gross pump is carrying every germ possible. I am officially grossed out and will need to shower after writing that!
  2. Wipes: Wipes have been my saving grace so many times. When anything gets on my seats, the wipes come out. When my kids get their dirty hands on my gorgeous tan car interior the wipes clean it right off. They truly are gods greatest gifts to mankind!
  3. Trash Bags: I can’t tell you how many times I have needed a trash bag for all my childrens crap. They seem to always have trash. I don’t know or even understand how they get so much but somehow they do. Those monsters can create trash out of thin air!
  4. Febreze: I am not a fan of odors. I hate when my car smells gross and with sweaty kids that’s all I get, so I keep Febreze in there. I spray that everywhere and my car is always smelling so fresh.
  5. Extra pair of Underwear: This one is not for me. Even though my blatter has never been the same after so many children. TMI! I keep an extra pair of underwear in the car for my kids.Well, just one kid. It’s so nice to run to my vehicle and grab an extra pair out of the bag when needed.  I used them so many times and I am glad I keep that stocked up!

If you want exactly what’s in my car click on the links above. Just a few tips and tricks to make your car life a little easier. Do you leave anything in your car? Let me know if I should add something to my list!

5 Amazing Items to Keep In your Car when traveling with kids
5 Amazing Items to Keep In your Car when traveling with kids

 

Get Over Summer Embarrassment

  • I am way fatter than last year.
  • Are other people going to make fun of me?
  • Will my kids be embarrassed?
  • Or worse, will my husband be embarrassed?
Be the mom in the memory not out of it
                                           Be the mom in the memory not out of it

I have felt this many times this summer. If I didn’t have 5 kids I wouldn’t be in the body I have now. This worn out, run down, zebra striped skin and saggy everything body. Once that memorial day weekend hits and swimming starts, I die a little bit inside. It takes a lot of courage for me to put on a swimsuit and go to the public pool to swim. Every year I have the same anxiety about it. I can hear it now, “Hey mom don’t whales live in the ocean?”

Unfortunately, I am unable to get out of it. I have young kids and need to be in the pool with them. I feel like a huge buoy in the middle of the ocean. Plus my boobs are massive so when I enter the deep end of the pool they seem to perk up and hit my chin. You can see my frustration with this. Hello? Why can’t you perk up out of the pool and stay there at all times? Oh well, I’ll be fixing those once I hit the lottery! No more sandbags for me.

Here is the deal ladies (and men) WHO THE EFF CARES! Who cares about what you look like or the love handles on your sides. Anytime I start to doubt myself I instantly look at my kids. If I didn’t have this glorious bangable body (joke) I wouldn’t have my amazing children. I see the joy in their eyes when I swim with them. They aren’t going to remember how their mom was a buoy, they are going to remember how much fun mom was when she would swim.

Embrace your bodies ladies. Those stretch marks are your mom stripes and rock them with pride. I know one day I will get back to the weight I want to be but until then I don’t want that to stop me from living. My kids are only young once and I am trying to make the best of it. I don’t want to be one of those moms who sits outside the pool and watches her kids have fun. Be a mom who is in that memory and not out of it.

Be the mom in the memory not out of it!
Be the mom in the memory not out of it.

A few things that make me confident during summer:

  • Maui Babe Tanning Lotion. Being tan is always a plus when at the pool. Someone once told me being tan and fat is better than being fat a white.
  • Swim Skirt. I rock this mom skirt EVERY.SINGLE.TIME and it makes me feel as if I am not showing my goodies to everyone and their kids.
  • High Waisted Swim Suit I purchased a high waisted swimsuit this summer and I absolutely love the bottoms. One day I will rock the top but not this summer. ha ha

I hope this post is inspiring to women who may feel the same as me when it comes to swimming. No one is perfect. It’s time to embrace yourself and start living. Be the mom in the memory not out of it!

xoxo

Chels

 

 

3 effective ways to prepare your daughter for her period

First of all, here’s the deal. I was only in 4th grade when I started my period. FOURTH GRADE! I was a baby and didn’t know it was about to happen so soon. Since growing up with a mom and two sisters, I knew what a pad was. A pad was those weird looking things that were like pillows for your vagina. I never felt the need to ask my mom what a pad was but she informed me that they certainly weren’t pillows.

mommon' with humor!
mommon’ with humor!

My whole life we have openly talked about it and it seems like vagina was a word frequently used at the dinner table. (sorry mom. Don’t hate me for posting that)  It wasn’t a dirty little secret you were “hush-hush about. Therefore, when someone was on the rag, we ALL knew and made fun of them. “your Aunt flow is here to visit, that must be why your acting like a HUGE B***H”. I am so glad my family was open about it. I wasn’t scared or nervous at all because I knew what was going on. Due to the fact my uterus wanted a baby, I knew why it was being an angry bastard with this period crap.

The day I started my period was a bright and sunny day. I was old for my age. I already had boobs. (It was so traumatizing because kids are assholes. Hence, I would wear double sports bras and still tape my boobs down because of embarrassment during elementary school) I was wearing a purple shirt and white thin Gap shorts. For some people, their periods aren’t even noticeable when they first start. Normally, it is just a little bit when you wiped but that wasn’t my case. I literally bled through my thin white Gap shorts and had to change my clothes in the nurse’s office. SOOO EMBARRASSING! The nurse wasn’t helpful at all and was just confused as to what I, a fourth grader, was asking for. Word traveled fast and my class was saying “Chelsee’s privates are bleeding”. Immature children right? Doesn’t this sound like a horror story? I’m scarred for life. At that moment, I felt ashamed to be a girl.I instantly wished I could get a sex change. Plus, peeing standing up didn’t seem like a bad gig.

Needless to say, I finished the day at school with my head held high, my boobs taped down and my middle finger being put to good use! I hurried home to bury my head in my mom’s arms and cry.  Karen (my mom) wiped my tears and we celebrated. She took me to dinner and my sister made me a blood red cake. we ate that red fun fetti cake with pride. Happy Period Day! (now Karen says Happy Period Day for other reasons. aka Chelsee isn’t pregnant again! She’s so funny. ha)

After that traumatic experience, I vowed I would never let my daughter go through that. I promised myself, to make sure she knows what’s going to happen. The key is to be prepared. I wanted her to know everything there was about Aunt Flow, most of all, not be ashamed and to embrace this natural thing that all of us strong women get to deal it!

3 Effectivity ways to Teach your daughter
                                                              Prepare your Daughter

What I told my Daughter:

  • Women are blessed with this monthly “gift”. We get to bleed each month from our uterus in hopes to one day carry a baby in there. I noticed her face kind of freaked out so I did what I do best and made a joke to lighten the mood. “Your uterus will bleed and create wars in your tummy because it’s angry and wants a baby in there.” She laughed and asked some awesome questions that I did my best to answer.
  • Another thing I told her is that a period is a natural thing for all women. I went through each woman in her life who she looks up to and said how they get periods also so it isn’t scary. I also explained how she will feel some mild discomfort for a little bit due to cramps. If she starts to feel that quickly go to the nurse and ask for  some Tylenol. If they hurt really bad call me. I will pick you up!
“Chocolate and periods go together. There is no better medicine than chocolate. It cures all the shit your uterus will put you through! – momminwithhumor.com” 
  •  I put together a period bag filled with a couple pads, baby wipes, an extra pair of panties and some candy. She thought is was hilarious and quickly ate the candy out of the bag. I told her to keep the bag in her backpack. Let’s just say she quickly ditched the bag out of her backpack. She’ll learn, Momma knows best!

Most of all, I couldn’t express enough on how she needs to tell me (her mom) the moment she started so we can throw a period celebration. I will keep the blood red cake tradition in my home! Every single one of my daughters will get one. It truly is a must! Embrace your womanhood!

In conclusion, educate your daughters and prepare them. Don’t be one of those moms who doesn’t explain things thoroughly to where they go somewhere else to get answers. That is never  a good thing and you will be missing out on a bonding experience. Be open and be there for your daughter!

 

Today I Choose Joy

Many mornings I wake up instantly angry. I don’t know if it is the lack of sleep I get each night with a baby and 4 year old or if I have terrible dreams that affect my mornings. ( Be sure to check out my latest blog POST. It helps burnt out mothers. )  Sometimes I dream my husband cheats on me or something crazy and I wake up so pissed off at him. He laughs at me and I get so mad. He should be able to control what he does in my dream right!? I mean, come on, you should be able to control your stupid choices “in my dreams” that cause me to wake up and want to throat punch you 10 times. (haha)

Today I choose Joy

I dream every night and I know I have them but when I wake up I can hardly remember what they were. Of course, unless my husband cheats on me in my dream. I always seem to remember that and can still remember what nights I dreamt that. Paranoid a little? Which is funny because my husband isn’t like that at all.

When I wake up to the blissful sounds of bickering children I instantly have this saying that pops into my head. “Today I Choose Joy”. That little 4-worded saying has a lot of impact on me. I can choose to be angry and pissed off at the world or I can choose joy and be the happy mom that my kids need and want. Those 4 little words can change anyone’s mood in a heartbeat.

My wonderful husband always reminds me of this too. One day I woke up just angry. As angry as a raging bull. I don’t know why but this crazy bitch woke up on the wrong side of the bed. My 3-year-old got into my make up one morning. She destroyed my wonderful and beautiful MAC makeup foundation that I had just purchased and paid for with one of my ovaries. I was instantly angry. My blood was boiling and momma was losing her shit. I heard this loud obnoxious man voice in the background say “CHOOSE JOY” needless to say my daughter is still alive and well. She didn’t get the wrath of mommy but I did have a long talk with her on how we only touch daddies stuff. Not mommies!

My oldest daughter and I love to write poems together. We come up with some crafty funny shit. That’s one of our favorite things to do. We rhyme and say whatever comes to our minds and it will usually end with us laughing our butts off! Here is one we made together about Choosing Joy.

Today I choose Joy

 Today choose Joy,
And every day at that.
You have to work for it,
You can’t pull it out of a hat.

If You wake up and You’re moody,
Sing out loud and shake your booty.
Look in the mirror for the light in your eyes,
It’s there and shouldn’t be a big surprise.

When you’re feeling down and blue
Ask your friends and family to help you.
Seeing all their kindness and unconditional love,
Will give your happiness a quick little shove.

Being happy and joyous
Truly won’t destroy us.
It’s really the best way of life.
Try hard to let go of unwanted strife.

Tell the day to bring it on,
Come what may and just be strong.
Say in your head, every girl and every boy,
Today, is the day…that…YOU choose joy!

This poem is a great reminder that Happiness is a choice. Each day I have to choose to be happy. Sometimes it’s super hard and my self-pity gets the best of me. I could go on and on about things that have happened or the wrong doings of others or the “Wo” is me bull shit but it is useless to think that way. You can’t change the past. You can only live in the now and create a better future. You have to discard those negative thoughts or toxic people in your life. Choose you, Choose Joy! (mic drop)

I created a free 8×10 download for all my wonderful readers. Download it and display it so you can remind yourself that “Today I (you) Choose Joy” Enjoy!

xoxo,

Chels

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Bedtime Battles

After a long day of parenting and adulting, I am most definitely looking at the clock hoping that 8pm bedtime rolls around quickly!

Bedtime battles
Bedtime battles, Babycenter.com

 

First of all, I found this chart from Baby Center that shows the age of your kid and what time they should go to bed. I don’t know about you but I have 5 kids. FIVE, so getting them all to bed a different time is an effin’ Joke! Thanks, Baby Center, but seems like the person running that site doesn’t have multiple children. If I put my son and daughter down at 7pm and my oldest daughter can stay up until 8:15 they would be PISSED! And, not the pissed off funny way. The pissed off, I’m going to bang my head against the wall and cry that entire hour way!

In my house bedtime is a process. It is a downright, dirty process. I always have to yell and I always end up feeling bad. One of my friends sent me this book called Go The F**k to Sleep and it’s hilarious! I wish I could read that as a bedtime story. It’s the perfect gift to give if you want the loudest laughs at the baby shower. Trust me! It’s my fave!

After my kids eat dinner I start the bedtime process. They take showers, brush teeth and I’ll turn on one show. After each step, I always repeat “It’s almost time for bedtime” I get the never ending NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. The best line comes during the summer when they say “It’s still light outside.”  When all pre-bedtime things are finished I turn off the tv and get down to business.

Step 1: “Alright kids its time for bed”. They get this burst of crazy energy that wakes them up. They start running around like crazy dogs who just got let off their leash for the first time. I nicely say “Lets go to bed!”

Step 2: I literally have to pick them up and throw them in their bed. Then I get the sob stories on how I didn’t take them to do this or we didn’t do that. Now the water works start. By this point I am already so effin’ tired I feel my blood start to boil in my body as I repeat over and over “GO TO BED”

Step 3: After I have put them all in their beds. My son and daughter who share a room start to annoy each other. She will climb up the bunk bed ladder and steal his stuff.   He likes to spit on her EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT. Once he does that, she’ll scream at the top of her lungs and her crying gets super intense. They also like to get out of their beds and play. My daughter will run up and down the halls thinking I don’t see or hear her. I always have to repeat ‘GO TO BED”

Step 4: This is when everyone suddenly has to go to the bathroom. They have this burst of bodily fluids that comes out of nowhere. Sometimes they claim they have to poop but I swear they just go in there and sit just to avoid bedtime.

Step 5: By this point, it’s 8:45 and I’m DONE! After the bathroom, everyone will need a drink and will literally cry until they get it. (any moms angry yet by reading this? I am angry just typing it) By this point, I am yelling and losing my shit left and right. I yell at them to quickly get a drink, once that’s done, I will do the final ‘GO THE F**K TO SLEEP!” (of course I don’t say the actual F word but I’m totally thinking it!)  Once I hit that point everyone knows mommy is not to be messed with. They cry and cry until they finally pass out. Once that happens I lay sprawled out on the couch feeling exhausted.

bedtime battles momminwithhumor.com
bedtime battles momminwithhumor.com

 

Bedtime is done It’s time to do you!

Finally, when bedtime is over. Down that Pepsi or glass of wine because you deserve it and give yourself a pat on the back. Be sure to read Tips to Skyrocket your Mom Juice to get some you time in.  Kids are work and they are exhausting. Always taking but of course we don’t mind because they are our sweet children. Here are some fun tips I have started doing to help bedtime move along a little faster.

  • Have your kids be active. I am always taking my kids to do things and wearing them out. From jumping around at the mall to swimming all day. I work my hardest to get them tired enough that bedtime will go smooth.
  • Don’t surprise them with bedtime. Make sure to always remind them of the time. My kids do way better knowing that bedtime is approaching rather than me just saying “bedtime now”
  • Stick to your guns. I have a hard time with this one. What can I say? My kids know how to work this crazy bitch! I am learning to stick to what I say. If you do that, you won’t have tons of bedtime battles.

Therefore, Good luck moms! This bedtime crap is seriously the pits. Those damn kids and their cuteness just know how to work us over.

xoxo,

Chels

Tips to Skyrocket your Mom Juice

Ya, that’s right, I said Mom Juice! Do you ever feel like you’re in a funk? OR that your kids live with the wicked bitch of the street? I know I have this feeling daily. Sometimes I literally feel bad for my kids and when I start to feel that way, I NEED to get in some mommy time to pump up my mom juice.

Tips to Skyrocket your Mom Juice
Tips to Skyrocket your Mom Juice

I can’t tell you how many times I wake up to the loud shrill of MMMMMOOOOOOOOMMMMM! I rush in because you would think my house was burning up in flames of fire. No, not burning, just a damn kid needing some cereal! I still don’t understand how one cannot make cereal. It is literally a five step process. Bowl, spoon, cereal, milk and eat. I guess it’s always better when mom makes it. When I start the day with that I am usually on edge. Having a little baby who still loves the 3am feeding wears me out. I am exhausted all the time and quite frankly, I am a raging bitch when I get no sleep!

Dealing with the load of kids I have (who are currently screaming and fighting as I write this. Mommy is going to lose her shit right now) I have to ensure that I get a break. Every mom needs one, especially if you hear “You’ve got your Hands Full” daily. If you say you don’t need one you’re a joke and nobody likes those types of moms! A glorious break from the massive amounts of screaming, fighting, crying and farting!   Whether it’s is for an hour or four, get your ass out and have some YOU time.

tip to Skyrocket your mom juice
tip to Skyrocket your mom juice

 

5 Tips on How to Skyrocket your Mom Juice:

  1. Go see a movie. I love this one. You bet your ass I will go to the movies by myself if I need to get away! I don’t have to take any kids or fight with my husband on what movie we should see. I pick it, I get my own drink, and I eat my own tub (don’t judge) of popcorn.
  2. Get your nails done. This doesn’t have to be pricey. You can go in and ask them to change the color and it’s barely even $10. I always love to watch the Nail Salon video first. I crack up and highly recommend you watching it!
  3. Go to the dog park. If you have a dog I suggest going to the dog park. I love to take my dog, Huck. He runs around like he’s insane, jumps and humps other dogs. It’s really just a blast. I even made a few doggy parent friends.
  4. Go get a soda. This has been my go to lately. I will run and grab a soda whenever I can. Plus it gives me that extra kick to finish out my day. I am a Sonic-addict. I will Abso.Freakin.lutely own it!! 
  5. Hide in the bathroom. When worse comes to worse, and you don’t have a babysitter. Hide in the bathroom and chug that wine or Pepsi! No one is judging. I do it all the time. I call them  Bathroom time-outs. My kids will be running around looking for me and calling mom at the top of their lungs. I laugh because they walk in the bathroom a million times and still can’t find me. I am laying in the bathtub with the curtain closed. Good thing they are afraid of things popping out because they won’t touch that shit with a ten-foot pole!

In conclusion, you need to take care of you. Being a mom is first and foremost the most important job you can have. Do you really want to do it grouchy all the time? Take a few minutes for yourself and skyrocket your Mom Juice!!

 

Nip Tattle Telling in the Bud

I’m telling Mom!!!  First of all, do you hear those words on a daily basis?

Nip Tattle Telling in the Bud
Nip Tattle Telling in the Bud

 

I don’t know how many times my wonderful children have been playing in their rooms and everything is going great. Mommy had about 8 minutes of quiet time (EIGHT WHOLE MINUTES).  A little meditation time to do some Yoga (who am I kidding, I don’t do yoga).   It is more like a nice quiet time to get nose deep in my awesome book The Cellar or maybe watch my favorite show, Gray’s Anatomy. Just as I am about to reach an intense part of the chapter or get to a really awesome surgery on Gray’s anatomy, I hear it, the always dreaded, never welcomed shrill of I’M TELLING MOMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!” I may have of exaggerated with the “M’s” and exclamation points a little bit, but not by much.

I instantly perk up and run to my closet where I can be hidden by my mound of laundry. (I bet you guys think I am a slob). My house is totally clean. My Laundry, however; is OUT of control. I quickly squeeze my fat ass into my little tiny, totally not walk in closet and duck my head for cover. Half of the time those crazy kids run around like little ants on a mission, screaming “MOM, MOMMY, MAMA” over and over again until they finally find me.  Once found, I have to woman up and “adult”. I have to manage the situation and prepare them for the verdict which could go either way. It’s never a fun process. I cannot tell you how many times one of my kids run into my room to tattle, with the other kid right behind them screaming their side of the story. It’s a headache that I can’t get away from. Why children didn’t come with warning labels.  I will never understand.

“WARNING: THIS CHILD CONTAINS EXCESSIVE GAS, SMELLS FEAR AND WILL DRIVE YOU BATSHIT CRAZY” 

I guess if children did come with warning labels no one would have them!

My kids are smart crafty little bastards, they know how to work it. They know how to tell me what I want to hear, and tell me just enough to get the other child in trouble.  Of course  they never express their evil doings in the situation. It isn’t until I hear the whole story, they will finally fess up.

Today, as they were doing their chore of scooping up dog poop, I hear a scream, then a loud  slap and (never welcomed) “IM TELLING  MOMMMM !!” My son runs into the house to tell how his sister pushed his foot into dog poop. Horrible right? I mean what kind of sister pushes her brother in dog poop? I am super upset by this because the little turd himself came running inside on my perfectly swept floors with his poopy shoe still on his foot. I get up quickly and walk outside. Before I even reach the door, my daughter starts yelling her side of the story. As I hear it through,  I begin to think I’m raising circus clowns rather than actual children. Turns out my son pushed my daughter first, as she chased him, his own foot stepped into the dog poop. He then proceeded to slap her arm before running in the house to tell me what happened.

As you hear that story what comes to your mind? I bet it is “THAT KID IS CRAZY”, if so, you are correct! He is hilarious and crazy all at the same time. He is our wild child. Every family has one. If you can’t figure out who it is in your family, it’s probably you!

As a result of that story, I have done some research on how to nip tattling in the bud. I will absolutely be trying these tips from the BabyCenter  over the next couples weeks and will report back to my wonderful readers.

How to Nip Tattle Telling in the Bud:

  1. Check out the situation: Make sure no one is in real danger and everything is ok
  2. Don’t make the payoff: I really liked this one. If no one is in danger and it’s just your little child tattling don’t punish the other kid. That would just reward the tattle teller
  3. Raise the cost of tattling: This is brilliant! Raise the cost by adding extra chores or if money motivates your kids like it does mine, make them pay you a $1.00 every time they tattle. I know for a fact that would end my kid’s tattling issues.

In conclusion, teach kids what kind of tattling is ok and what kind is not ok. I will have a family lesson on this with my kids. Something absolutely needs to be done and needs to be done quickly before I check myself into an insane asylum!

xoxo,

Chels

Nip Tattle Telling in the Bud
Nip Tattle Telling in the Bud