I have felt this many times this summer. If I didn’t have 5 kids I wouldn’t be in the body I have now. This worn out, run down, zebra striped skin and saggy everything body. Once that memorial day weekend hits and swimming starts, I die a little bit inside. It takes a lot of courage for me to put on a swimsuit and go to the public pool to swim. Every year I have the same anxiety about it. I can hear it now, “Hey mom don’t whales live in the ocean?”
Unfortunately, I am unable to get out of it. I have young kids and need to be in the pool with them. I feel like a huge buoy in the middle of the ocean. Plus my boobs are massive so when I enter the deep end of the pool they seem to perk up and hit my chin. You can see my frustration with this. Hello? Why can’t you perk up out of the pool and stay there at all times? Oh well, I’ll be fixing those once I hit the lottery! No more sandbags for me.
Here is the deal ladies (and men) WHO THE EFF CARES! Who cares about what you look like or the love handles on your sides. Anytime I start to doubt myself I instantly look at my kids. If I didn’t have this glorious bangable body (joke) I wouldn’t have my amazing children. I see the joy in their eyes when I swim with them. They aren’t going to remember how their mom was a buoy, they are going to remember how much fun mom was when she would swim.
Embrace your bodies ladies. Those stretch marks are your mom stripes and rock them with pride. I know one day I will get back to the weight I want to be but until then I don’t want that to stop me from living. My kids are only young once and I am trying to make the best of it. I don’t want to be one of those moms who sits outside the pool and watches her kids have fun. Be a mom who is in that memory and not out of it.
A few things that make me confident during summer:
Maui Babe Tanning Lotion. Being tan is always a plus when at the pool. Someone once told me being tan and fat is better than being fat a white.
Swim Skirt. I rock this mom skirt EVERY.SINGLE.TIME and it makes me feel as if I am not showing my goodies to everyone and their kids.
High Waisted Swim Suit I purchased a high waisted swimsuit this summer and I absolutely love the bottoms. One day I will rock the top but not this summer. ha ha
I hope this post is inspiring to women who may feel the same as me when it comes to swimming. No one is perfect. It’s time to embrace yourself and start living. Be the mom in the memory not out of it!
The other day I went to the grocery store with all 5 of my kids. I don’t do this often because the moment we enter those automatic doors my children think that’s their cue to start acting like little crazy assholes kids. It is impossible for me to take all 5 kids there and not have them act up. I don’t know why they think it’s a green light to go ahead and do cartwheels down aisle 4 but for some reason they do. All I can think to myself is bring on the “You’ve got your hands full” comments.
People pass us and it’s always funny to see their reactions. I get a lot of dirty looks, some glazed over looks and once in a while, I will get a sweet smile or chuckle. When I make eye contact with the judgey prospector I will get the always dreaded comment, “You’ve got your hands full”. This saying didn’t always bother me but after years of hearing this, I am finally at my end of friendly behavior. I used to apologize or correct my child’s behavior but now it’s a whole different story. When you tell me I have my hands full I will absolutely NOT correct my children and I will probably say a sly comment that puts you back in your place. Some of my favorite sayings are “yes, I do thank you for reminding me” or “Do I? I didn’t notice”(with an “eff off look” all over my face). My favorite is “can you believe I’m having number 6 in a few short months” (I do a fake loud laugh as I touch my non-pregnant fluffy belly). I have recently started saying “Ya I know I have a lot of kids, you should see my laundry room!”
It’s mostly dear sweet elderly people saying “You’ve got your hands full” Most times they will turn to their spouse or whoever they’re with and whisper something quietly about my obnoxious children. I normally can’t hear because I’m being pulled and gnawed on like a piece of meat in a lions den. It’s pretty much a huge bat shit crazy show to watch. Once, my son decided to pee in the cereal aisle. I have no idea why he decided to do that but I’m guessing the 3 years old just had to go, but I certainly could have used the help instead of the comments. I won’t lie, I did laugh a little when I heard “clean up on aisle 6” over the intercom. My most embarrassing moments are when my kids decide to pick up mommies special ‘bathroom tools’ (tampons) and laugh hysterically at them, I will never understand why or how a tampon can be so funny. Trust me when I tell you, we are a freaking train wreck that you can’t look away from.
I asked some awesome parents on my Instagram and facebookfor some advice on what to say. If you are ever in this situation here is some hilarious, yet, good comebacks you can use…
Kathie O’Leary : You’re so observant, are you offering sitting services or just being a Captain Obvious?
Bethany Bauer : Yep, and a full heart Or if I’m in a bad mood….Only if you can’t handle it
atippets : I get this every single time I leave the house. With 4 boys and twins, we are quite the circus. I sure do like the comments of encouragement and praise over the typical “you’ve got your hands full” or “better you than me” comments.
correamommy : Wouldn’t have it any other way! You may say I have my hands full, but I say I am blessed!!
tamseyb : “Yup, great entertainment for the bored staring type.” Said this one today at a real peach of a lady.
sometimesstefanie : I just realized I say this EVERY time – “yep, it’s quite the party over here!” But really I wish I would say something like “yep, lots of penises to deal with.” Usually, when you talk about the genital area to a stranger, it shuts them up real quick cause they don’t know how to respond
Here are a few tips I can give you:
Don’t bring your kids to the grocery store! If you can leave those crazies behind, DO IT!! Take a little hour vacation to the store alone. Hit up that favorite drink stop first and then go shopping. I know I will never take a trip to the store alone for granted. Or even a trip to the bathroom alone would be the best gift ever!
Don’t mind the people staring! Let them stare. Kids will be kids and the people who are judging are the ones who A. Don’t have kids or B. Forgot what it’s like. This is the season of life you’re in. Live it up. Let your kids go crazy in the grocery store. They are only kids once in a lifetime. As a kid, I loved to ride around on the carts like crazy while my mom would grocery shop. She let me do it and claimed me with pride.
Keep your Head up and walk away with pride! I remember one time my niece was screaming at the top of her lungs in a store. I can’t remember why but she was screaming as loud as she can. My sister picked her up and walked out of the store. It wasn’t until after she got home the cops showed up and questioned her about a possible child abduction. As my sister was carrying her screaming daughter out of the store someone called the cops and reported her stealing a child and the child was screaming .. (Hahaha) I laughed out loud for a good 20 minutes and still laugh to this day. Clearly, the cops realized what happened and quickly dismissed that report. Kids are unpredictable at times so when they get crazy. Keep your head up and walk with pride. Every mom in that store knows exactly what you’re going through. We got your back!
Anytime I am at the store and see a mom with wild children, I will NEVER judge because I know how that mom feels. We should all start offering a helping hand rather than a rude, sly comment. By telling me I have my hands full, makes me feel as if I can’t contain my children. That is farthest from the truth. I can contain those monsters, I am just picking my battles AND the grocery store ISN’T one of them!
Summer is always hard . All kids are home from school and here in Arizona, it’s HOT as HELL so going outside to play isn’t an option. Thankfully, I have thrown together a list of fun summer activities for kids that they will love.
I know that my house is alway chaotic especially during the summer. My grocery bill goes up along with my inpatient craziness. Since school has been out, I have literally ref’d countles fights and arguments between my children, cleaned up 10 million messes, mopped WAY too many times from spilled cereal and pop. I can honestly say I am exhausted and its only been 2 weeks.
A lot of moms ask me “How do you do it with 5 kids and still stay sane?” Well number 1: I am so not sane, more like insane. Number 2: when we are stuck in the house all day that’s when we (kids and myself) get stressed out and grouchy. I have made myself a goal to do something fun and productive each day with my kids. So far, so good. They seem to be loving summer so that means I am doing something right. Maybe, I should teach them how to fold laundry. Check out Confessions of a Dirty Ass Laundry Room for some hilarious real life mom moments.
Here is a list of Summer Activities for Kids:
SWIMMING: This has been my saving grace so far! I can’t tell you how many hours we have spent at our neighborhood jr high pool. I swear every day at 1pm we are down there getting our swim in. It tires out my kids. After swimming they are chill and happy. It’s like they jump into holy water and come out as brand new children. Plus, I can’t complain much about the quick and easy bedtime process afterward. They fall asleep quick and they sleep like rocks. No one can wake them. It truly has my saving grace. I also purchased my local summer pool pass so I save money in the end, plus I get a rockin’ tan!
LAKE: Here in Arizona (where I live) we have an awesome beach like lake called Butcher Jones Beach. It is a quick fun retreat we can go to that makes it feel we are in a different state. My kids love it. We have rented paddle boards to play on in the water. It is something you MUST do with your kids. So fun and great exercise for me! My kids loved being able to stand up and paddle on the “surfboard” Also take some hotdogs and soda. All lakes will have some sort of grill you can cook some easy things on. It’s a fun day for barely any cost!
CAMPING: This is a summertime tradition with my family. When my sons birthday comes around he doesn’t want a party, He wants to go camping! There is something about sleeping under the stars with the crisp mountain air that really gets my kids excited. We try and camp a lot during the summers. It’s the perfect weekend getaway that isn’t too expensive. I want my kids to be able and enjoy what nature has to offer. The world is such a beautiful place and way better than any hotel you can stay at!
HIKING: Only the last year have I really tried and hiked with my kids. I thought that they would be too small and would complain the whole time. The first hike we did was awesome with a great view at the end. It was hard work hiking up to the top and my kids were tired but they will agree with me, well worth it. In Arizona hiking in the summer is not recommended because you will sweat your ass off but if you had to, wake up early and beat the heat!
ZOO: We are obsessed with the zoo. We go and love to see all the different animals and how they interact with each other. One time while traveling in Colorado, we visited the zoo in Denver. A group of animals started “fighting” and making funny noises. My kids asked what was going on and why that animal was getting on top of the other animal. I said “They are fighting over what they wanted to eat for dinner” It was hilarious. My kids always seem to bring up that story. I wonder when they will figure out that they weren’t really fighting…?
DRIVE-IN MOVIES: This is hands down one of our favorite things to do. We go see new releases for less than $20.00 for my entire family. I bring the couch cushions, blankets, pillows, pop my own popcorn, fill water bottles with Kool-Aid (yes, I am a cheap A) and we have a grand time. When we pull up I always lay all my seats down in my van and make a big bed. My kids crawl in there, get cozy and let the big screen take them to a whole new level of imagination. The last time I went my son did have a meltdown of the century. He got his kindle fire taken away for a good 6 months. Apparently, I wasn’t following my own advice from my latest post of Stop the Meltdowns 101 because that kid was bat shit crazy running around screaming at the top of his lungs. Haha, I laugh now only because I’m glad that humiliating day is OVER and DONE!
GROUPON: Another favorite and saving grace for me this summer has been Groupon. I check that every day to see what kind of deals they have. Normally they have cool things I can take my kids to and not worry about breaking the bank. There is this cool indoor jungle gym that I have been dying to take my family too. The problem is it is SO EXPENSIVE it would have been about $65.00 total just to go there. I’m not going to spend that kind of money on something unless it was Disneyland. I checked out Groupon, low and behold it was on there for a fraction of the price. We had such a blast and thank you Groupon for being amazing and coming through when I need you!