Alright, I know what you’re thinking… “A load a day to keep a headache away” Ok, first off, I would like to publicly say, Nobody even said that shit until Pinterest came around. A load a day? Why would I do a load a day when I can do 20 loads the same day and fold for 6 hours twice a month? The truth is half the time my wonderful loving children throw their clean clothes in the dirty laundry. Yes, true story. I wish I would have saved my Mothers Day Snapchats ( by the way want real live entertainment? follow my Chels_bing snapchat. It’s ridiculous but entertaining. My language is like that of a sailor, you have been warned!)
It was the Saturday the day before mothers day. It started out as a bright and sunny day. I made the kids a nice breakfast, that, of course, they didn’t eat. We were laughing and having a wonderful time together. Until suddenly I do a bedroom check. To my dismay, I found trash, food, clothes and crap along the baseboards in their room. Instantly my blood starts boiling in my veins and I scream….. AHHHHHHHHHH WWWTTTTFFFFF….. because I had just cleaned every room in my house SPOTLESS to avoid any Mothers Day hiccups. I try and plan out Mothers Day so there won’t be any issues. I clean, set my kids’ clothes out to make sure they will be ready. I even go as far as buying my own Mothers Day cinnamon rolls for breakfast just in case my husband can’t cover the breakfast in bed scenario. (creepy right? I’m effin’ creepy.) So, as I look through their bedrooms, cussing every cuss word out loud. I look over to their mount Rushmore stack of clothes in their closet. As I walk up to get a better look, I notice all the 20 EFFIN’ loads of laundry I folded the day before and placed neatly next to their dressers for them to put away, were now wrinkled up and stuffed into the closets. I am not sure if this was a “Hey lets see how we can piss mommy off” ordeal, or if it was actually an honest mistake? Which if you think about it, isn’t actually a mistake at all. Those assholes are out to get me! I feel my forehead vein throbbing and my eyes pop out like Jalisa Thompson’s. I can’t even deal right now. I calmly walk away, and by calmly I mean like a beast throwing clothes left and right, screaming like I belong in a psych ward. I hate to admit this but my husband was trying to talk some sense into me and I’m pretty sure I kicked a hole into my wall. Don’t worry, it wasn’t my intention to kick my beautiful wall, I was aiming at him. What makes it worse is he laughs it off. LAUGHS with the words of “You’re crazy” I don’t know about you but when I hear those two words together I get even crazier. Hence, why there is a nice perfectly round hole in my wall from my ragged foot.
I decided after I made the hole on the wall, I better put up some coloring artwork the kids give me just in case company comes over. They would see the artwork and say “what a great mother displaying those sweet pictures in her house”. Little do they know it was clearly just to cover up my crazy!
After that intense combo, I quickly ran to my medicine cabinet and sniffed a little lavender oil to calm the hell down. I sniffed that crap until I was hallucinating lavender flowers growing out of the kitchen sink. Once back into my right state of mind, I quickly rushed into my kid’s rooms and apologized. They weren’t even phased at all. In fact, I actually got an apology from them. They realized how hard I worked to make the house clean and the clothes I had spent all day folding. We all joined in together to quickly get things refolded and put away. After we celebrated with a trip to target and their glorious never ending dollar section.
I sure love these kids of mine. I am not the best mom in this world, but to them, I am their world. I make mistakes because I am human and I try to learn from them. The good thing is I plan on winning the lottery so I can afford their therapy bill when they’re older. Now off to re-wash the clothes in my washer for the 7th time. I hope they’ll actually make the dryer this time around.
Do you suck at laundry? I hope this story makes you feel better about yourself. Every mom is a little bat shit crazy, some just hide it better than others!